it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just forgot I was standing up.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
