i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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