She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
