The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
God I need to hump something, right now.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
