I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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