Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
being pregnant is like rehab
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
