Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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