piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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