Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
