Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
