FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
