And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
