now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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