I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
