I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
