I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
