Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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