This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My penis needs a shock collar
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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