Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
