***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
