I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
