the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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