laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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