hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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