Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
