If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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