I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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