every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
