Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
