He is such a slut. More and more my type.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
