i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
