I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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