We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
