I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
