Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
