i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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