Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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