When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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