I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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