i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
