I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
