New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
