I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
