Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
