im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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