so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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