i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
