why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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