I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
