We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
