i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
