I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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