I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
