eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
