I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
