There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
operation have a gay friend backfired
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
