Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
