he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
