Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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