i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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