Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
