I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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