I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
