No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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