omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
