dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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