Kiss
Puke
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
