If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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