I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
