He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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