i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
