He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
